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I have been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Several of her social circle disappeared during that time, as they were only interested in the spouse. It shocked her. She put in greater energy toward our bond, and must have grasped more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several in her circle vanished leaving her sure why. Her previous job became hostile, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I open discussion points only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She is planning a vacation abroad I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in for some time. I attempted to share insights, but this was unappreciated. She purely only wanted my agreement with her decisions. I recently come back from a month in that place and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want in this role who abandons suddenly without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly understand the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, yet this is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation with a view to working things out takes courage and willingness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be based on facts and basically exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement here. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. Finally is to ask how you are both going to change the interaction between you."

Consider your friend has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for a set time."

It's wildly impactful for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person could ignore all you say, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative of their life they won't abandon since their identity is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. But she may at first react like this before reflecting your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a fix, you'll have closure knowing you were honest with her.